Because you’re Admiral Jerk of the British Royal Douche-ry?
Ted and Robin are moving in together, but Barney is trying to stop them.
Considering Ted is moving in with Robin, Barney offers to rent the room from Lily and Marshall so he can bring girls there.
Ted’s packing up all his stuff, and they’re almost finished loading the truck when Barney comes in with a “Are You Ready to Move In Together Quiz?” Barney’s trying to keep them from moving in together, but when they refuse to listen Barney steals the truck, leaving Ted with only a box of pot lids and a sword.
Lily and Marshall are excited to finally be living alone. They celebrate by sitting around naked, but it’s not as fun as they thought it would be.
Ted keeps calling Barney trying to get his stuff back. Ted and Robin start talking about his stuff, and they find out they disagree about having a tv in the bedroom.
Lily and Marshall decide to have sex on the couch, and they realize they can be as loud as they want, but it backfires on them.
Ted tries to put away his box of pot lids, but Robin says they don’t really need them. And then he finds out she’s not a big fan of the sword either. At this point Barney calls, pretending to not be Barney, and tells Ted to put on a suit he left outside the door and meet his at the bar. When Ted shows up Barney tells him that they’re going to have one last great “Bro” evening before “Fun” Ted gets taken out back and shot.
Barney’s using Ted to get girls’ phone numbers, while Robin is taking a bath and smoking, and completely enjoying herself.
When Lily and Marshall sit down to watch tv it’s a program they love and they call Ted in to see it, but he’s gone because they live alone. They find out that Ted did all the grocery shopping and owned all the useful things, like towels. And Lily admits she misses Ted.
Ted and Barney go play Laser Tag, and are having a great time. Ted’s still trying to get his stuff back, but Barney keeps refusing, finally pointing out to Ted that he just spent his first evening living with Robin out with him. And he didn’t call it “our place” or “my place” or “home,” he called it “Robin’s place.” He’s realized what a mistake it is. Ted tells him to keep it, but when he goes home he ends up having a little fight with Robin because she’s so picky about everything he does. And then he realizes where his truck is.
Barney is getting it on with a girl at the bar, and when they decide to leave he takes her out the loading dock where he’s set up Ted’s van like an apartment. They’re hitting it off when Ted drives the van away with them in the back.
Marshall tells Lily that they need Ted. And then Ted shows up.
Ted and Robin talked things out and decided that maybe they shouldn’t move in together, so he’s come back to ask if he can move back. And Lily and Marshall welcome him back with open arms.
Which brings us to that final scene:
Top Ten Things I Would Have Called My Truck (It was never your truck) if Ted Hadn’t Been a Jerk and Given It Back (It was a rental.):
10. The Winnebango
9. The Pick-Up Truck
8. The Ford Explore Her
7. The You-Scream Truck
6. Feels on Wheels
5. The Ride-Her Truck
4. The 18-Squeeler
3. The Escalaid
2. The Slamboni
1. The ‘69 Chevy
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