Season 3, Episode 11: The Platinum Rule

Purg…wait for it…keep waiting…keep waiting for all of eternity only to discover there’s no escape…atory!

Ted is going to get rid of his tramp stamp (see The Pineapple Incident).  Unfortunately he likes the doctor taking off the tattoo, and has asked her out on a date.  Everyone thinks this is a bad idea, and Barney explains that it’s the “Platinum Rule.”  If the Golden Rule is love thy neighbor (yes he knows what the Golden Rule actually is), the the higher rule is never, ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor.  Barney further explains that this situations always plays out in the same eight steps:

1. Attraction- Barney is attracted to Wendy the Waitress.  Lily and Marshall meet the nice couple moving in down the hall.  Robin meets the new sports guy (an ex hockey player).

2. Bargaining- Robin has a little crush on the sports guy, she just can’t help it.  Lily and Marshall invite their neighbors over for dinner.  Barney decides to seduce Wendy the Waitress. “I think it’ll be okay”

3. Submission- Barney stays to help Wendy close and has sex with her.  Robin gets invited to hockey by Curt.  Lily and Marshall invite the neighbors over for dinner.

4. Perks- Robin has lunch dates, can share a cab with Curt, and gets to meet famous hockey players.  Lily and Marshall have a convenient couple to hang out with.  Barney gets free food from Wendy.  “It’s fine.”

5. The Tipping Point- Robin finds out Curt is kind of needy and clingy.  Barney can’t use Wendy to send drinks to other girls anymore.  Lily and Marshall are going to go out, but the other couple just comes over.  “Oh, no.”

6. Purgatory- Robin can’t stand how clingy Curt is.  Lily and Marshall don’t want to always have to hang out with the other couple.  Barney can’t hit on other girls, he’s been neutered.

7. Confrontation- Robin, Marshall and Lily, and Barney all have “the talk” in their own ways with the other parties.

8. Fallout- Curt is crushed and freaks out at Robin on air.  Lily and Marshall are essentially trapped in their apartment.  Wendy the Waitress seems to be taking it well, but Barney is terrified that Wendy is trying to kill him.

Ted admits that he and Stella probably aren’t going to work out, and it’s going to end badly, but it’s not going to be because of one of Barney’s rules.  So, Ted goes to the movies with Stella, but it turns out it wasn’t a date.  Stella thought they were seeing the movie just as friends.  Legally, doctors aren’t allowed to date their patients.  Thus, things with Stella are over for the time being.

Future Ted says there’s a 9th Step: Coexistence.  When the two parties learn how to let go, live with each other, and move on.