Season 1, Episode 7: Matchmaker

“But it can.”

“And it has.”

“And it’s pissed!”

Ted goes to a matchmaker and finds his perfect match is already taken, while Marshall and Lily wage war on a new creature in the apartment.

Ted & Barney- After Robin does a story on ‘Love Solutions,’ a matchmaker, Barney gets Ted to go with him down there.  The owner, Ellen, promises Ted she can find him his match in three days, but Ted is skeptical.  Until he sees the math that says there are eight women, in that city of 9 million, who are compatible with him.  After five days, Ted goes back and is told there are no women out there for him.  The computer found one woman, Sarah a dermatologist, but she was matched up 6 months previously.  Ted goes to Sarah’s office and asks her out, but finds out she’s getting married that weekend.  She leaves a message on his machine, so Ted runs down hoping she’s changed her mind.  Sarah tells him his mole should be removed.  Ted tells her they should be together because their score, 9.6, is higher than her score with her fiancée, 8.5/.    But Sarah tells him that once you fall in love that 8.5 becomes a perfect 10.  So Ted goes back to Ellen who tells him he’s never going to find anyone.  Ted gives her a pep talk about how he is going to find someone and she just needs to have hope.

Lily, Marshall, & Robin- After they see a cockroach/mouse in the apartment, Lily and Marshall try to kill it with  spray and a phonebook.  But it just walks away with the phonebook.  Evidently, it had six legs and a hard exoskeleton, but tufts of fur and a tail.  “It’s a cockamouse.”  Robin is naturally skeptical, but Lily and Marshall set up to capture the creature.  They set up an elaborate trap and Marshall takes the container to a friend of his in a lab where they find it’s empty.  Meanwhile, Lily and Robin discover the thing in the apartment.  Marshall shows up, grabs it, and throws it out the window, where they discover a new aspect of the thing.  It can fly.  “Be free, mutant beast.  I’ll miss this private war of ours.  I grew to admire your tenacious- Holy mother of God!  It’s headed this way!” and it, potentially, kills itself flying into the window.

The Mother- Okay, where the crap was Barney?  I didn’t even get a “Barney of the Day” from this episode.  As for The Mother, at least Ted’s not giving up.  And Ellen’s still looking, so there’s potential there.