Friday, June 24, 2011
Note:
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Season 3, Episode 17: The Goat
Barney, you want my Xbox?
She has a name!
Future Ted explains we’ve finally come to his 30th birthday, the story of “The Goat.” That week started like any other, Barney woke up in some girl’s bed, only this time it’s Robin’s. They have some awkward conversation, and Robin says that when her feet hit the floor it never happened. So Robin gets up, and Barney jokes about “Nailing the chick from Metro News One last night.” Unfortunately, Barney can’t seem to forget about it though, and is horrifically awkward with Ted, but Robin seems to have to problem with it.
Later that day Barney hires Marshall as a lawyer. Barney tells him he slept with Robin and because he “broke the ‘Bro Code’ so he needs Marshall to find a loophole in it. Future Ted explains a little about the “list of do’s and don’ts for all bros.”
Article 1: Bros before hoes.
Article 89: The mom of a bro is always off limits, but the stepmom of a bro is fair game if she initiates it, and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.
Article 34: Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil’s three-way (two dudes).
Marshall says its not a legal document and Barney explains that George Washington and Benjamin Franklin thought there should be a “Bro Code” and had Barnabus Stinson draft it.
Meanwhile, Farmer Frank brought Missy the Goat to Lily’s kindergarten class and told the kids where meat comes from. So Lily brings her home and animal rescue will be coming on Monday. Ted’s pissed because he doesn’t want the goat there (I can’t blame him).
Marshall shows up just behind Robin and it blushing, coughing, and shaking when he sees her, so she corners him in the kitchen and says that Barney told him. Marshall denies knowledge, but Robin says that Ted is never finding out about it.
Marshall shows back up in Barney’s office and says that the Bro Code is ironclad. Barney brings up that if Ted’s broken the Bro Code then he’s off the hook. But Marshall says that Ted’s upheld it time and time again.
Article 87: A bro shall at all times say yes. (Barney saved Ted from an avalanche, carried him to safety on his broken leg, and is a pre-surgery transsexual nightclub singer who used to be in the Russian mob.)
Article 29: A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight.
Article 53: A bro will, whenever possible, provide his bro with protection. (Little foil wrappers through the window, and then went to get them wine.)
Barney’s upset and Marshall says that the only way he’s going to feel better is to tell Ted what he did.
April 25, 2008 Ted’s 30th birthday (aka The Day of the Goat) Barney’s waiting outside Ted’s office in a limo to take him to the apartment for his “surprise” party on the roof. Barney is taking Ted to Vegas though. Barney is finally going to tell Ted, but Ted reveals that earlier Robin had blurted it out. Ted says he’s not mad, and Barney’s relieved. Then Ted starts yelling at him. Barney says that Ted can hit him anywhere but the face and Ted punches him in the groin. Ted tells him that he’s seen Barney do bad stuff but he always thought he was the line. Finally, Ted tells Barney that week he’d started putting stuff in a box labeled “Stuff I Have No Use For Anymore” and maybe Barney belongs in that box. Ted doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Ted gets out of the limo and gets a cab home.
When he gets home he goes up on the roof and everybody’s there to surprise him. Future Ted starts to tell the story of how the goat locked itself in the bathroom and was eating one of Robin’s washcloths when he realizes that Robin wasn’t living there on his 30th birthday. The goat story is from his 31st birthday.
The Mother- It kills me to see Barney so hurt. But it is kinda cute with him relaxing in Robin’s bed that morning, like he belongs there.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Season 3, Episode 16: Sandcastles in the Sand
Tell me more, tell me more…like, did he have a car?
Future Ted explains that Robin has come a long way from when she was “Robin Sparkles” as a teenager. She looks super hot and explains that Simon, her first boyfriend, is in town and she’s going to see him that night. The group questions her about her and then ends up doing a bunch of Canada jokes. Robin ends up explaining that after his band’s gig one night while she was loading the van he broke up with her. He was getting back together with Louise Marsh who’s “parents just put in a pool.” They can’t believe she’s going to see this guy, but then they realize Robin’s trying to “win.” They add up the points and Robin’s a clear winner (5-0), because Simon’s a loser. Unfortunately, when he shows up, Robin turns back into a total love-struck teenager (complete with Canadian accent).
Later, Robin’s embarrassed, but she explains that Simon’s still got it. The group tried to talk her up to Simon, but Simon’s such a douche that he doesn’t see what a loser he is. Additionally, it was revealed that they met on Robin’s other music video. Barney just asks Robin for the tape, but she refuses, so he dedicates himself to finding the video.
Back to Simon, Ted and Marshall explain that when you’re around someone from your past you revert back to the way you were when you knew them, Marshall has dubbed it “Revertigo.” They explain Lily has it bad when she meets up with her high school friend Michelle. So they suggest to Lily that she call Michelle.
The next day (or something) Simon showed up at Robin’s apartmen t and told her that breaking up with her was the biggest mistake of his life and he asked out. To the group’s dismay, Robin said yes.
Lily’s friend Michelle shows up and Lily becomes, frankly, black. It’s hilarious!
Robin’s back with Simon, and he’s just using her to promote his band. (She ends up playing one of their songs on the air, “Murder Train” during a segment about adopting dogs.)
The group tries to express their concerns to Robin, but she’s still acting like a 16-year-old. After Simon’s gig that night, while Robin’s loading the van Simon breaks up with her to get back together with Louise Marsh.
The group’s consoling Robin at the bar, and eventually, the everybody goes home and Robin’s trying not to cry. But, Barney shows up and says he’s spent 3 days trying to find the video and can’t find it. He notices something’s wrong and first laughs when she tells him and then ends up consoling her. She tells him she just wanted to be 16 again, and Barney tells her she was lame back then is so the second most awesome person he knows (the first being this person in the mirror). She invites him back to her place. They’re awkwardly on the couch and he “puts it in.” It being the video for “Sandcastles in the Sand” or artistic follow-up to “Let’s go to the Mall.” It contained both Tiffany and Alan Thicke. It’s so 80’s and awful. But kinda funny. Barney cheers her up by showing her how lame she was back then. They watch it over and over again, until they stop watching.
Wooooooo!
The Mother- Hands down favorite episode! Mainly, because if you haven’t noticed it by now, I’m totally in love with Barney and NPH. And watching Barney be so nice to her…kills me every time. As a side note, when you watch them watching the video, notice that every time it cuts back to them on the couch they’re slowly sitting closer together. Eeee!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
March 17, 2011- “Non-Suited Up” Barney
“Suits are full of joy. They’re the sartorial equivalent of a baby’s smile.”
Note: A little flashback to season 2 for us today!
Season 3, Episode 15: The Chain of Screaming
Your report is the crap that crap craps!
Marshall comes home from work and is completely freak out. He tells everybody about his boss “Artillery” Arthur Hobbs. The guy yells at people. Marshall is scarred by the experience, and then the day before Marshall missed turning in a report. Then that morning Arthur came in and screamed at him. Barney says it just a part of the business world. Robin says Arthur probably respects Marshall more for just taking it. And then Marshall explains that Arthur is screaming at him and he’s humiliated and all of the sudden he felt everything, all the anger and responsibility. And then he burst into tears. Marshall explains that he doesn’t know how he’s going to hand in the report to Arthur the next day. Robin tells him she would go into Arthur’s office with a gun and vaguely threaten him with it. Ted says he would give Arthur a big speech about human dignity. Barney tells about how this guy was getting reamed out at a meeting in their office and the guy ended up telling off the boss and quitting (the story ends badly with the guy’s death). Barney explains that in corporate America there is a chain of screaming:
Arthur’s boss’s boss screams at Arthur’s boss.
Arthur’s boss screams at Arthur.
Arthur screams at Marshall.
Marshal screams at Lily.
Lily screams at one of her kindergarteners.
The Kindergartener screams at Arthur’s boss’s boss.
They point out that it’s a chain not a circle and Barney ends up screaming at all of them.
Lily explains that she would give Arthur a little talking to about respecting someone to get their best work.
The next night Lily is asking Ted his opinion about carpet for the new apartment when Marshall calls him and asks him to come downstairs without Lily. When Ted comes down Marshall has a box of his stuff. They get in Ted’s car and Marshall explains that he was going to give the speech to Arthur. Barney shows up at the diner and tells Marshall to scream at the waiter because the waiter will bring him the wrong food (because Barney ordered it wrong). Marshall tries to tell the guy off a little and the guy ends up yelling at him. They’re walking home and Barney tells Marshall to yell at him. Marshall tries and after some prompting from Barney, Marshall ends up screaming at Barney about how he doesn’t want to become Barney. And the next day Marshall ends up screaming at Arthur and quitting. Marshall has to tell Lily and tells her he’s going to beg for his job back. She tells him that their future is not money or the apartment, if he’s happy they’ll figure it out. Ted sells his new car and loans them the money.
The Mother- Nothing about The Mother this week, but some interesting plot twists for Marshall and Lily!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Season 3, Episode 14: The Bracket
Dude, do not pretend you’re not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the girls he’s slept with.
I have one. It’s called my marriage license.
Marshall and Ted are into college basketball, and every year for March Madness they make up a bracket and they go in a $100,000 competition. And every year they lose.
Barney comes over and tells them that he keeps getting slapped by girls he’s hitting on. He leaves for a few seconds and when he comes back the girls are no longer into him and slaps him. But, the next night, Lily and Barney at the bar and when he leaves for a minute, this girl sits down and tells Lily that Barney’s lying to her and just trying to get in LIly’s pants and that it was the biggest mistake she ever made. Unfortunately, Lily didn’t get her name and the description fits all the girls Barney slept with. So, they pull out Barney’s scrapbook of all the girls he slept with. Lily doesn’t recognize any of them, so they put them into a bracket. They end up having a huge debate over who has the most cause to hate him. They get it down to the final four.
Meg- Lily insists that Barney apologizes to her, which Barney resists, until Lily tricks him into talking to her. Meg ends up apologizing to him.
Anna- Lily’s taking pictures. Turns out, she still thinks his name is Ted Mosby, and set up a website about how big a jerk he is. Barney ends up standing on a chair telling everyone what a jerk he is.
Kate- Kate tries to strangle him but it’s not her.
Holly- Turns out, Barney left her in the woods, camping. Also turns out that Holly’s now engaged, and there are no hard feelings. Then Holly's fiancée finds out that Holly was with Barney in July, when they started dating in June. Whoops.
Robin points ou that Barney is going about this all wrong, and he just needs to hit on a girl in the bar and wait for the mystery girl to show up. Lily is hanging out by the jukebox. The guys are hanging out in the booth. Then Robin comes in, looking hot, and then Barney comes over to hit on her. They “flirt” and Barney goes to the bathroom and a blonde approaches Barney. They check the bracket and the girl’s not in the top 64. Barney doesn’t recognize her and approaches her when she’s walking away, and tells her how horrible he is to girls and that he doesn’t remember her, which is worse. Turns out, she’s just a girl Robin knows from work.
Future Ted explains that Barney did figure out who the mystery girl was, but we’ll find out more about that later.
The Mother- Not my favorite episode, but not a bad one either.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Season 3, Episode 13: Ten Session
You were right, worst movie going experience ever. Of course it had nothing to do with the movie.
Ted has fallen for the dermatologist, Stella, doing his tattoo removal, unfortunately she can’t date patients.
Session 1- Stella is cracking up from the not-a-date. But Ted tells her that when the 10 weeks are up he’s going to ask her out. To which she responds, “no.”
Barney says that women make their decisions about a guy in the first 8.3 seconds. Ted says that he’s going to change her min over the next 10 weeks. Unfortunately, the rest of the session had Ted screaming like a girl.
Session 2- Ted told Stella about the summer he worked with inner city kids.
Session 3- They spoke nothing buy French.
Session 4- Ted made her laugh so hard she fell out of her chair.
Session 5- Ted juggled and she still said no. So, Ted decides to be nice to the meek receptionist in order to get in with Stella.
Session 6- Ted brings the receptionist coffee.
Session 7- Stella asks Ted if he will go with Abby the receptionist bowling with her church group. Instead Ted’s reading a book she has in her office.
Session 8- Ted’s read the book Stella has, and then finds out that she thinks its a stupid book. Unfortunately, Abby brings his copy in that he left in the trash. The group advises him to just nail Abby instead.
Barney tells Ted that he went down to the office to check out Stella and he found out that Stella has a “terrible, terrible” secret. Folliculaphilia. When Ted questions what that is, Barney says Stella is only attracted to men with mustaches.
Session 9- Ted grows a little ‘stache and Stella laughs in his face. Turns out a year earlier Barney bet Ted $10 that he could get him to grow a mustache. Then Ted finds out that Marshall went to see Stella and she said that she has a little crush on “a guy with a butterfly tattoo on his lower back.”
Session 10- Ted asks Stella out and she confesses that she has a daughter. So, she really has no life or time.
So Ted has an epiphany, Stella did not say no. So he meets her outside her office at lunch and asks her on a two minute date, because she only has two minutes for lunch. The go just 20 feet down the block and eat, and then 20 more feet more to watch 10 seconds of clips from an awful movie. The walk back to the first spot and have dessert and coffee, and then he walks her back to her office. It was a pretty great date.
The Mother- Oh Brittany Spears. You tried so hard to have a comeback. It just wasn’t going to happen. And what is up with your hair?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Season 3, Episode 12: No Tomorrow
Look, it’s the Riddler.
That’s not the Riddler, it’s Gumby. Hey Gumby, can we tie you in a knot later?
Hey NBA player sidelined by a knee injury!
It’s St. Patrick’s day! The group has decided they’re going to have “board game night” at Lily and Marshall’s new apartment, except Barney still wants them to come out with him.
Barney calls Ted from a cab with a hot date for him, and tells him the world is going to end that night. So Ted decides he’s going to go out with Barney.
Future Ted explains that he went to a big St. Patty’s day party, and The Mother was there.
Ted shows up and they’re trying to decide who’s getting which girl. Ted says they’re not going to get into the club anyway because the line’s too long. Barney goes up and asks the bouncer how much it’ll cost to get them in and the bouncer says that if it was just the two of them he’d let them in, but there’s too many girls in there already. So Barney pulls Ted aside and says that there must be some kind of planetary thing going on because there’s never been a "shortage of dudes.” So Ted asks if the girls in the club are hotter than the girls they came with and they ditch those girls and head in.
Ted is basking in the fact that he keeps getting rewarded by everything he’s doing and puts two bottles of champagne on somebody else’s tab. And meets a hot girl, Ashlee. Barney says that they have a free pass tonight, because “there is no tomorrow.”
Ted ends up making out with Ashlee after finding out she’s married.
Ted’s questioning their theory because the girl’s married but Barney tells him it’s not cheating if 1) you’re not the one who’s married; 2) her name has two adjacent vowels; and 3) she’s from a different area code.
Ted ends up running into the guy who’s been buying them champagne all night. Ted gets punched out and tells Marshall the next morning that the cops arrested the other guy and Ted got to drink for free the rest of the night.
Marshall’s disgusted with him and plays all the pocket messages that Ted left for him. Ted’s an idiot and a jerk on the messages.
Future Ted explains that later he found out The Mother was at the party the night before he just didn’t meet her. He goes back to the club to try and find his lost phone and when he finds out it’s pouring down rain, leaves with a familiar yellow umbrella.
Marshall, Lily, and Robin go to Lily and Marshall’s new apartment and while Lily’s exploring the apartment Robin and Marshall notice that the new apartment is crooked. The floor is definitely on a tilt. Lily hasn’t notice and Robin and Marshall agree to keep it quiet just for that night.
When Lily starts figuring out that something’s up in the apartment Marshall tells her that he and Robin saw a ghost. And they convince Lily that it’s true.
Lily’s freaked out by the ghost, and finally Robin points out that the apartment is crooked.
Marshall and Lily are questioning if they can live in the apartment, when Robin shows them a fun new game on the skateboard they found in the apartment. Future Ted explains that how the game “Apartment Roller Luge” was invented.
Marshall and Lily are going to be at Ted’s for awhile longer while their floor is fixed.
The Mother- So it’s a little bit of Mother back-story this episode. For one thing we know the yellow umbrella plays into them meeting, and Ted got the umbrella that night. I do have a theory though. At about 13:45 in the episode Ted bumps into this girl and apologizes to her. It seems just a little too long of a moment. And we know she was there…
Monday, March 7, 2011
Season 3, Episode 11: The Platinum Rule
Purg…wait for it…keep waiting…keep waiting for all of eternity only to discover there’s no escape…atory!
Ted is going to get rid of his tramp stamp (see The Pineapple Incident). Unfortunately he likes the doctor taking off the tattoo, and has asked her out on a date. Everyone thinks this is a bad idea, and Barney explains that it’s the “Platinum Rule.” If the Golden Rule is love thy neighbor (yes he knows what the Golden Rule actually is), the the higher rule is never, ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor. Barney further explains that this situations always plays out in the same eight steps:
1. Attraction- Barney is attracted to Wendy the Waitress. Lily and Marshall meet the nice couple moving in down the hall. Robin meets the new sports guy (an ex hockey player).
2. Bargaining- Robin has a little crush on the sports guy, she just can’t help it. Lily and Marshall invite their neighbors over for dinner. Barney decides to seduce Wendy the Waitress. “I think it’ll be okay”
3. Submission- Barney stays to help Wendy close and has sex with her. Robin gets invited to hockey by Curt. Lily and Marshall invite the neighbors over for dinner.
4. Perks- Robin has lunch dates, can share a cab with Curt, and gets to meet famous hockey players. Lily and Marshall have a convenient couple to hang out with. Barney gets free food from Wendy. “It’s fine.”
5. The Tipping Point- Robin finds out Curt is kind of needy and clingy. Barney can’t use Wendy to send drinks to other girls anymore. Lily and Marshall are going to go out, but the other couple just comes over. “Oh, no.”
6. Purgatory- Robin can’t stand how clingy Curt is. Lily and Marshall don’t want to always have to hang out with the other couple. Barney can’t hit on other girls, he’s been neutered.
7. Confrontation- Robin, Marshall and Lily, and Barney all have “the talk” in their own ways with the other parties.
8. Fallout- Curt is crushed and freaks out at Robin on air. Lily and Marshall are essentially trapped in their apartment. Wendy the Waitress seems to be taking it well, but Barney is terrified that Wendy is trying to kill him.
Ted admits that he and Stella probably aren’t going to work out, and it’s going to end badly, but it’s not going to be because of one of Barney’s rules. So, Ted goes to the movies with Stella, but it turns out it wasn’t a date. Stella thought they were seeing the movie just as friends. Legally, doctors aren’t allowed to date their patients. Thus, things with Stella are over for the time being.
Future Ted says there’s a 9th Step: Coexistence. When the two parties learn how to let go, live with each other, and move on.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Season 3, Episode 10: The Yips
Wow, that makes me want to join a gym, so I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.
Ted convinces the group to join a gym so they can get in shape.
Lily feels threatened when Marshall’s trainer is really hot. But Marshall finds out that Trish, the trainer, she is super intense.
Robin isn’t wearing makeup or nice clothes and no one can believe how not pretty she is like that.
Barney runs into Rhonda, the woman he lost his virginity to. But, Rhonda doesn’t remember him. Ted suggest that perhaps he wasn’t that good at sex, it being his first time, so Barney tells the the story of how after he broke up with his girlfriend, and was still a virgin he went to his brother James. This being before James was gay. So James gave him the advice of having sex with a woman to get over his relationship. Barney has no confidence, and James suggests Rhonda because she’s slept with like every guy around. Thus, Barney goes to Rhonda’s and sleeps with her and she says that it was the best sex she’d had.
Lily gets a trainer to, but Marshall can’t stand that the guy is stretching her out.
Barney goes to talk to Rhonda again, and reminds her of their time together. Ronda admits that James came to her and told her to tell Barney he was the best she’d ever had, in exchange for James sleeping with her. Barney is crushed to find out that he wasn’t that great that time.
Lily calls Marshall’s trainer and yells at her, but it doesn’t solve anything.
Barney is going to prove how much of a man he is at the after party of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. But when Barney starts talking to the models he’s using incredibly lame lines, and being horribly offensive. Turns out he’s got the yips, but he keeps trying. He tries to talk to Heidi Klum, they explain the situation, and she tells him he needs to go to Rhonda and prove what a man he is to her.
Barney goes to Rhonda’s, but she won’t have sex with him. Barney ends up horribly depressed, and isn’t even wearing a suit.
Marshall is in pain, and Lily’s trainer wasn’t actually with the gym so they’re both going to quit. Ted wants them to all keep going, and they realize that Ted wasn’t working out there at all. So they set him up with Marshall’s trainer. Who tortures him.
Rhonda finds Barney at the bar and tells him that Ted told her what was going on. Rhonda says that sleeping with her again isn't going to solve anything. So instead she plays Go Fish with him, in an effort to show him how great it is to just spend an evening with someone without an agenda. Neither really believes it and they end up sleeping together. He totally rocks her world, and Barney’s back!
Everybody’s really enthusiastic about the gym, but they never go back.
The Mother- I love that every so often, the episode is about somebody other than Ted. I love getting to see Barney not as a suave, smooth womanizer, but as a total idiot. And I love that Wayne Brady was back!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Season 3, Episode 9: Slapsgiving
General Idea.
Future Ted explains that as hard as he and Robin tried, it was still hard to be friends, and they could never be alone together.
Thanksgiving is coming up, but Marshall keeps referring to it as “Slapgiving.” Remember that countdown clock ? (__) Turns out, Marshall’s going to use one of his slaps on Thanksgiving. Barney says that Marshall took away the suspense so now he’s not worried. But he still looks pretty worried.
Robin is dating Bob, who’s 41, and Ted sees as being ancient. The group can’t believe that Ted sees Bob as being so old. The group’s supposed to go to Robin’s and makes pies, but when Ted shows up Lily and Marshall can’t make it, so Ted tries to get Barney to come over, but Barney won’t.
The big day comes, and everybody’s congregated at the apartment. Robin goes in the kitchen to talk to Lily and Ted goes to talk to Marshall and they both say the same thing, “Something really weird happened last night.” Ted tells Marshall that Robin and Ted were alone in the kitchen and they realize they don’t have anything to say to each other. Robin tells Lily that she was tyring to get rid of Ted but he wouldn’t leave. Robin tries to break the ice with a lame pie fact, and Ted makes it worse by reminding her of the last Thanksgiving and how many times they’d had sex. (Awkward.) So Robin keeps going with lame facts. Then it turns out they’re making one of the pies for Bob. Ted asks if she thinks that he’s jealous of Bob. And then he goes off on how old Bob is. Or I should say ancient. Robin takes offense, and points out that Ted’s been parading girls past her. And they both realize that if they’re such good friends things shouldn’t be so weird. And then they slept together. Everybody who’s listening freaks out. Robin thinks they need to talk about it, but Ted thinks they should ignore it. When she tries to talk to him, Ted avoids, but then they end up fighting over who started it.
Lily yells at them both and throws them in Ted’s bedroom to sort things out.
Marshall keeps tormenting Barney, until Barney’s threatening to leave and Lily ends up yelling at them. As Slap Bet Commissioner, Lily rules that there will be no slaps on Thanksgiving.
In the bedroom, Ted points out to Robin that they’re not really friends. They just pretend to be, because it would be inconvenient otherwise. So they decide that maybe they should stop pretending, and they go out to dinner.
Dinner is horribly awkward, Lily’s pissed, Barney’s triumphant, and Robin and Ted aren’t speaking. So Marshall tries to break the silence by giving a little toast, that Lily started a tradition that they can continue through their lives. And Ted and Robin make-up.
And Future Ted explains that it did become a tradition and that’s why they go to Lily and Marshall’s every year for Thanksgiving.
The countdown has reached the last 20 seconds and Barney won’t quit giving Marshall a hard time, so Lily gives him permission to slap Barney. So Marshall slaps him, and Marshall sits down to play a song he composed for the occasion, “You Just Got Slapped.”
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Season 3, Episode 8: Spoiler Alert
Lasagna! Just get the lasagna!
Ted is dating a new girl and is introducing Cathy to the group, but during dinner the group seems incredibly hostile. Later that evening, Ted asks them what’s wrong, but when Lily realizes Ted doesn’t see what they see she says they should just keep him in the dark because otherwise she’ll be ruined.
Marshall took the bar over the summer and was about to find out whether he passed. Unfortunately, he cannot remember his password. Barney finally offers to introduce him to a guy at work who can get him in through the firewall.
Ted can’t stand not knowing and keeps imagining horrible things she could have said to them when he left the table. Ted pushes and they finally tell him, Cathy talks a ton. HIs perception of her shatters and all of the sudden Ted sees just how much she talks. She just keeps talking. Then Ted can’t see anything but how much she talks. He’s mad at everyone for telling him.
Ted points out to Marshall that Lily chews loudly and Marshall’s perception of Lily shatters, and then all he can hear is her chewing. Marshall points it out to Lily and she goes to vent to Robin. Robin’s perception shatters and Lily points out to Robin that Ted corrects everyone. Shatter!
Barney shows up with the disk, and Barney shows Marshall a video he wanted him to see of a dog pooping on a baby.
Robin points out to Ted that he always correcting people (shatter for Marshall and Barney), and he shoots back that she always uses the word literally (shatter for Marshall, Barney, and Lily) and Robin points out that Marshall sings whatever he’s doing (shatter for Barney and Lily). They all point out that Barney sometimes talks in a weird high voice, uses catchphrases, and sometimes he spaces out and isn’t paying attention (shatters). They're all fighting and they end up singing a phrase that Marshall was singing for like 3 hours, and it turns out it was his password. Marshall’s a lawyer!
Future Ted explains that three years later he runs into Cathy again and turns out she’s engaged to a deaf guy. So perfect for her!
The Mother- This is one of my all-time favorite episodes. I love the shattering illusions and the fact that they use the sound of glass breaking through the episode!
Friday, February 25, 2011
February 25, 2011- “Detective” Barney
If you want get to the bottom of this, you’re going to need a stronger stomach than that, dollface.
Season 3, Episode 7: Dowisetrepla
“Ew, Ted!”
Marshall and Lily are starting to outgrow living with Ted. So, they start looking to rent a new apartment. But, Marshall decides they should rent. Little does he know that Lily has massive amounts of debt (See I'm Not That Guy). Lily tries to talk Marshall out of it, but he’s made up his mind so they go to look at the place. They get there and rather than admitting that the place is way out of their price range Marshall wants to get it. They invite everybody over to see it. Marshall’s super excited, but Robin pulls Lily aside and tells Lily she needs to tell Marshall about the debt. Lily ends up not telling Marshall and they decide to go for the apartment.
Lily tries to get the loan only under Marshall’s name, but they have to have Lily's info too. Their loan has a huge interest rate, and the banker tells them it’s because of Lily’s credit card debt.
When everybody else gets in the apartment they find evidence of Lily and Marshall’s blow-out fight. And Robin tells the boys about Lily’s debt and they don’t believe her. But when they hit redial on the phone it calls a divorce attorney. They’re horrified and Robin says that Lily’s going to get her and Marshall’s going to get Ted and Barney. Barney is especially distraught. Lily and Marshall come back and tell everyone what happened. Lily called the divorce attorney so they can separate on paper so Marshall can get the loan alone. But Marshall refuses, and he says he married her and her problems. They also announce that they got the apartment.
Marshall and Lily are horrified to find that their apartment is “Downwind of the sewage treatment plant” or “DOWISETREPLA”
Barney gets the lock box code for the apartment and brings a girl over. She wants a commitment, and he’s telling her everything she wants to hear. After he sleeps with her, he just leaves her in the apartment.
The Mother- Not my favorite episode, but I do love the CSI-esque figuring out the fight scene.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Season 3, Episode 6: I’m Not That Guy
Very funny Wendy, now we know you watch porn!
Barney comes bursting in with big news, he found a porno starring “Ted Mosby” (which explains some creepy things his doctor said). So, they plug the video, and then the girls come in. They find out that “Ted Mosby” is getting pretty famous and while looking at what he’s done lately it turns out that Ted mistakenly did an interview for AVW (Adult Video Weekly or as Ted thought, Architecture Vision Weekly), which was bizarre.
Then they find out that “Ted Mosby” has the same hometown as Ted. SO they decide go to a Porn Convention where the guy will be signing autograph. Barney and Ted meet “Ted Mosby” and he tells Ted his name is Steve Biel. He was in 4th grade when Ted was in 9th. One day after school a bunch of 7th graders were beating up Steve and Ted pulled them off him. Steve vowed to honor Ted when he’d made something of himself. Ted tells him he should stop using his name, and Steve is disappointed. Ted says that the guy who actually saved Steve was “Lance Hardwood.” But the guy thinks that would be the great title of a movie, “Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect” starring Ted Mosby.
Meanwhile, Marshall got a job at the NRDC, his environmental dream job. But, he still has a job interview at a firm that is an ecological disaster. The guy who interviews him is totally different than what he was expecting (young and cool) and the guy is seducing Marshall. Marshall says he’s not going to continue to interview with them, but Lily pushes Marshall to do it anyway.
At dinner, the guy keeps throwing money and stuff at Marshall. And Marshall resists, until the guy points out that if Marshall works for them he’ll have money and security. Turns out, a big plus for Marshall taking this job would be the fact that Lily has a major spending problem. She has an insane amount of credit cards, and an unknown amount of debit. Robin’s horrified, and can’t believe that Lily hasn’t told Marshall about any of it. And Robin realizes that Lily's been pushing Marshall to take the high-paying job.
Marshall stays out so late, that he crashes on the guy’s couch. The next morning he has to do “the walk of shame” that walk home after you did something you regret the night before, like take a job offer. When he gets home, Lily’s ready to reveal her debt, but Marshall blurts out that he took the job. He’s disgusted with himself, but it’s so much money. Barney advises him to take the money because money buys happiness. Robin tells Lily to tell Marshall because it’ll help him make the decision. But Lily tells him to take the NRDC job. Marshall calls to turn down the job, but the guy takes him to an amusement park. So Marshall tells the guy he can’t take the job and the guy tells him that if he takes the job his only client will be the amusement park. Turns out, the amusement park is actually evil.
The Mother- How awkward would it be to find out there’s a porn star using your name? Anybody else reminded of that episode of Friends where they think Phoebe’s a porn star?
Monday, February 21, 2011
Season 3, Episode 5: How I Met Everyone Else
Where’s my wife?
Ted’s dating “Blah-Blah” (please call me, “Blah”), Future Ted explains that it was 23 years previously, he can’t remember everything, and he introduces her to everyone. Blah seems a little crazy, but Barney says it’s okay if she’s an equal amount hot to the amount crazy. Ted tells Lily and Marshall to tell the story of how they met:
the year 1996: As a Freshman in college, Lily needed help setting up her stereo and for some odd reason, felt drawn to room 110, and there, Marshall opened the door and it was love at first sight.
Blah asks Robin and Barney how they met and Robin is adamant that she and Barney are not together. Blah is a little pissed, but not hiding it, that Robin is hot, single, and friends with Ted. So Ted tries to distract her by telling about how he met Marshall.
the year 1996: Marshall was “eating a sandwich” in hid dorm room when one of the other kids tells him the dean is coming and he needs to put out “the sandwich.” So when Ted walks in and Marshall thinks he’s the dean.
Blah’s incredibly hostile to Robin and then gets defensive when Robin says there’s not anything going on between her and Ted. So Ted begs Barney to tell how they met.
the year 2001: A goatee-d Ted is in the bathroom and at the urinal next to him, Barney says that he’s taking his deaf brtoher out for the first time since their mom died. He goes on about how hard it is and how he’s had to put his dreams on hold. When Ted offers his condolences, Barney’s surprised it worked, so it’ll definitely work on a chick. 15 minutes later, Barney sits down next to Ted and tells him to lose the goatee, get a suit, not think about getting married until he’s 30, and be silent for the next 5 minutes. The girl Barney’s been conning comes over and Barney introduces his “deaf brother Edward.” Unfortunately, the girl knows sign language, and luckily for Barney, Ted knows it too and gets Barney her number. Ted breaks the truth to Barney that he’d actually told the girl Barney was lying to her and to give him a fake number.
Barney’s mad so he tells Blah that Ted and Robin dated. And then Robin digs the hole deeper by saying that the relationship wasn’t that good, and neither was the sex, but it was probably just her, and so on. In order to get Blah to calm down, Ted tells her that before Marshall and Lily met there was a party and Ted met Lily and invited her to his room sometime. And then he and Lily ended up making out. Lily was really drunk, and the next morning the only thing she remember was Room 110. Ted swears Blah to secrecy, but she says that he has to tell Marshall and if he won’t she will.
Blah tells Lily to tell the real story of how she met Ted, and she tells about how Ted was crying on the phone to his girlfriend back home over the guilt of making out with Lily. So Ted pulls Lily away and she has no idea what he’s talking about. When Lily hears about the story, she’s horrified that the only other guy (who’s name she doesn’t remember) she made-out with in college was Ted.
The first time Marshall met Barney, Barney couldn’t believe Marshall had only slept with one girl. So, Barney was going to be his mentor on picking up chicks, starting with the hot redhead who just walked in. So Marshall “gives in” and goes to get her, and ends up making out with her.
Ted and Lily tell Marshall about the party, and Marshall says that he was at that party and names the two people they actually made out with. Blah asks Ted if he really believes that and when Ted says he does, she freaks out and leaves.
Future Ted explains that he still believed that he did make out with Lily, until their 20th college reunion when he ran into the girl Marshall said he made out with. And she reminds him about what really happened. And at that reunion the three of them end up “eating a sandwich” together in the hallway, just like old times.
The Mother- I love that we get to hear how everybody else met. It’s a little like the episode of Friends where everybody “almost does it.”
Friday, February 18, 2011
Season 3, Episode 4: Little Boys
I love sports cars, it that doesn’t mean I want to push a Ferrari through my vagina.
Shotgun.
Lily wants to set Robin up with a great guy she knows and the group pushes until they find out what the “but” is (i.e., restraining orders, babying her dog, huge butt, etc.) and finally Lily reveals he has a kid. Except Robin hates kids. BUT, Robin agrees to meet the guy, regardless.
Robin comes back from his date and says that “George” is a great guy, but she’s a little apprehensive about meeting the kid.
Barney is trying to get Ted to wear an eye-patch to pick up women, but Ted insists that guys with game don’t need eye-patches. Marshall shows up and says that he has the most game because he’s married which is “winning” the game. But Barney and Ted are still fighting over who has the most game. They decide to pick out a girl and whoever can pick her up wins. Barney gets slapped, and it turns out he slept with her like a year previously. Barney says they’re going to have to pick another girl, but Ted says it’s still on and goes after her.
Robin is really struggling with this guy, and finally confesses that she’s not a kid person. They agree to take it slow, but end up sleeping together and the next morning, guess who shows up. The kid’s a classic 6-year-old, kinda annoying but kinda cute too. Ted is dating “Stacy” the girl from the bar, but the problem is he really started to like her. Marshall’s still trying to prove he’s got just as much game as the other guys. He shows up having done the math and he and Lily have had sex 1053.5 times. But the guys says it counts as 1. Barney tries to psyche Ted out by bringing up that he’s already slept with her.
Robin’s excited because the kid really seems to like her. But then she says she’s going to have to break it off because the kid’s getting too serious. Except, the kid’s already attached to her, he already drew a picture of her labeling it “My New Mommy.”
Ted goes to sleep with Stacy but he can’t stop imagining tiny Barney’s crawling all over her.
Robin goes to see the kid, and realizes that the kid hasn’t been dumped before. So she uses all the clichés in the book, and then she finds out that George has also been dating a different girl, the girl from the picture.
Ted admits to the guys that he couldn’t sleep with Stacy. Then Barney admits that he really went up to the girl and told her that Ted was interested in her but too shy, so would she slap him to make Ted think that she didn’t go for guys who do lines. So now, he’s going to look great. Everything Ted was telling him about her, Barney was using to score points. So Barney’s there to swoop in when she’s upset over the break-up.
Except, a month later, she’s still taking things slow in getting over Ted. So Barney’s still waiting.
The Mother- Gah! Get to The Mother already! I mean seriously. We’ve had nothing lately.
Note: My apologies about being MIA lately. Between putting in 9-10 hour days at work and not getting home until after 8 every night I just haven’t had the time or energy to keep up with this. Hopefully, life will slow down in the next couple weeks.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Season 3, Episode 3: The Third Wheel
Please! He’s really cute and I really like him, and he’s got a British accent!
I’m on my way.
Ted calls Barney, in a panic, from the bathroom and tells him he’s going for “the belt.” Barney says this is impossible, because Ted was just in the apartment half an hour before. Turns out, Marshall and Barney were supposed to meet Ted in the bar, but were too caught up in Wii tennis to go with him. So, Ted ends up alone at the bar, where he runs into Trudy. Trudy is the girl from “The Pineapple Incident.” Ted is funny and charming, and they’re really hitting it off, when Trudy runs into Rachel a sorority sister. And the girls invite Ted to stay with them.
Marshall and Barney are still playing tennis (It’s Wimbledon baby!) when Ted calls for advice. The girls are competitive over him and he doesn’t know which one to go for. Lily butts in and comes down to the bar to help him decide. Lily observes for a few minutes and then calls Ted to tell him that both girls want him.
Robin is out on a date with a doctor and originally she hadn’t shaved her legs because then she wouldn’t sleep with the guy, but after she realizes how much she likes him she asks Lily to bring her a razor.
The girls are talking about a guy they were fighting over in college, and it turns out they always wanted to a threesome with him. Also referred to as a “tricycle.” So, Ted called Barney because they have this running joke that whoever pulls it off first wins the “championship belt.” Which is an actual huge gold belt. When he comes out of the bathroom, the girls are going to leave, but they suggest that maybe they could listen to that cd he was talking about, so the three of them head upstairs.
Robin desperately calls Lily again, but Lily can’t leave now. So she pays the waitress $50 to buy her a razor from the drugstore across the street. The waitress brings the razor but not shaving cream, and Robin ends up using butter instead and falling over in the bathroom.
Lily gets a text from Ted that they’re “coming up sars” and everybody ends up frantically running around the apartment trying to get out of the living room. Ted’s incredibly nervous and awkward with the girls, and when he goes into his bedroom to get the cd, he finds everyone in his room. He freaks out, and they tell him he can use Lily and Marshall’s room instead. He asks Barney to hand him the cd, the only thing left for him to seal the deal, and Barney breaks it in half. He says that the belt is his birthright, not Ted’s. Also, Lily goes to peek at the girls and finds out that Rachel is the same girl who stole a pair of boots from her at a shoe sale earlier that day. Ted pays her for the boots she lost, and goes out to tell the girls he can’t find the cd.
Ted wimps out and goes to get the girls’ coats. Turns out, Barney also wimped out the time he had a chance at the belt, and he gives Ted a pep talk and walk him through how to seduce them. But when Ted goes out to the living room the girls are gone. But then he hears them in Marshall and Lily’s bedroom, where we flash to everyone in the bar. Ted won’t tell Barney who’s having a fit because Ted won’t tell him whether or not he did.
The Mother- Not my favorite episode. Robin’s story doesn’t really interest me, Lily, Barney, and Marshall are funny, but barely there, and I could care less about Ted scoring with two chicks. I mean really, who tells that to their kids?
Friday, February 11, 2011
Season 3, Episode 2: We’re Not From Here
Michael Moore was so right about Americans!
I’m Canadian!
Lily and Marshall prepare for their deaths, while Robin adjust to life after her vacation, and Barney and Ted come up with a new way to meet girls.
Lily & Marshall- Marshall and Lily make “death folders” with important information, last wishes, and a letter for each other, except that Marshall didn’t realize they were supposed to write a letter, so he has to do it before Lily realizes it, or he dies.
Marshall sits down to write his letter, and it’s heart-wrenching for him. But when he finishes the lengthy letter, he ends up reading Lily’s letter, which is just a list of account information and things he will need to do. Marshall starts acting oddly, and ends up admitting he read her letter. Lily ends up admitting that she can’t bear to think about not being with Marshall, that’s why she couldn’t write the letter. She also brings up that she knows he’s just going to end up reading it again, and Marshall promises he won’t. So Lily concedes.
She writes her death letter and Marshall kept his promise for 22 years, until November 1, 2029, when he finally opens the letter. And it turns out she wrote him a letter in which she tells him he’s busted and that he sucks. And when he angrily responds out loud, Lily comes in and tells him he really sucks because he didn’t keep his promise.
Robin- After her trip to Argentina, Robin has become a more down to earth person because of her experiences there.
Robin’s talking to Lily about Gael, and Robin admits she’s annoyed by things she liked in Argentina. Robin is trying to evolve and go with the flow. Later, Robin is in the shower and she hears Gael in the bathroom, and finds out it’s not Gael. Turns out, Gael met some “new friends” and invited them to stay at Robin’s “indefinitely.” Robin’s not doing so hot with all the people in her apartment. She ends up talking to her “Argentina” self, and realizes how boring and lame she was in Argentina. And because of that she tries to kick the squatters out of her apartment and ends up taking one of her guns out there. So she breaks up with Gael and turns back into her old self.
Ted & Barney- Robin’s new boyfriend, Gael, attracts women like a moth to a flame, and Ted and Barney realize it’s because he a foreigner and from out of town. Which leads the guys to pretend they’re tourists from Missouri.
The guys go out with the “real New York girls” and the girls are completely lame. They end up going out to the South Bronx to a party with the girls, and they get mugged at gun point. They stick it out with the girls, just for the “Thank God We’re Alive” sex. And then they end up finding out the girls are actually from New Jersey. Turns out, Ted really hates people from New Jersey, and he hates that the girls said they were New Yorkers when they weren’t.
The Mother- Funny, but not really one of my favorite episodes. And, honestly, not seeing how The Mother works into all of this.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Season 3, Episode 1: Wait for it…
…dary! Legendary!
Future Ted tells his kids that they know the short story of how he met their mother, the thing with her yellow umbrella, but there’s a long story about the man he had to become before he could meet her.
And that story begins right after Marshall and Lily’s wedding. Ted and Robin broke up two weeks previously and Barney instantly starts trying to set him up (girl with right boob bigger than left boob). But first he has to go through his routine. Robin went to Argentina for a while and he started by growing his “break-up beard” (judges at the Miss Nassau County pageant selling their votes). He repainted his apartment (finish line of a woman’s 10K; salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down). He was doing good (female acrobats from Montreal). Robin shows up from her trip to Argentina with Gael (Enrique Iglesias). This brings up that after a breakup there is a competition between the couple, and Robin is winning with Gael. So Ted decides to start dating again so that he can win.
Awkwardly, Lily (entranced by Gael) asked them to have dinner with her and Marshall. But it’s not going well because Robin is stressing over Ted, Lily's in love with Gael, and Marshall’s just incredibly suspicious of the guy.
When they go down to the bar, Ted starts making out with tattooed Amy (Mandy Moore). Barney wants to leave because “it’s totally dead” but Amy tells him off and then they just start making out again. For once, Barney is the one being lame, and Amy is cool and dangerous. They’re in Amy’s hot tub and Ted compliments her tattoos, so she tells him he should get one. Barney thinks it’s a bad idea, because he wouldn’t look good in them. Turns out Amy’s hot tub is actually the hot tub of the people she used to nanny for. And Ted leaves with Amy to get a tattoo. They’re planning out his tattoo, and then Future Ted explains, that’s all he remembers. He woke up the next morning alone at home. He thinks that he didn’t go through with the tattoo, but we see that he got a butterfly tramp stamp. But, Marshall and Lily see the tattoo, and they call Barney to come over and see it, but they don’t tell Ted. Barney ends up hitting Ted on the back and he realizes that he has a tramp stamp. And then her remembers what happened the night before.
At the tattoo parlor it turns out the tattoo artist is Amy’s ex-boyfriend, which explains the tattoo.
Then Ted finds some Spanish massage oil, and he asks Marshall and Lily what happened the night before. The evening got really odd with Gael playing the guitar for the three entranced friends. And eventually, giving Marshall a massage.
Ted storms out and goes to Robin’s apartment, he tells her that this isn’t some “I came all the way over here because I want you back” thing. But, he tells her, it sucks that she is with Gael now, and they had a very rational breakup, but now he needs to yell. She apologizes for showing up with Gael. And he says that it sucks that she got over him so fast. And she admits that she was just trying to survive the breakup. And then she tells Ted that he was better because he was bigger (you know what I mean?) and he “wins” the breakup.
And in that last little scene before the credits, Marshall calls Barney and directs him to a website called, slapcountdown.com which shows this:
It’s baaaaaaaaaack!!!!!!!
The Mother- I love this episode. I love everybody loving Gael. I love Mandy Moore as Amy. And I love the hint of the Slap Bet! But most importantly, I love that this is evidently getting us on our way to meeting The Mother.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Season 2: Episode 22: Something Blue
And, Ted, my boy, it’s going to be legen…wait for it…
At Lily and Marshall’s reception, Ted and Robin share some big news with Barney.
Lily & Marshall- Marshall and Lily are married, and decide to come up with a new last name because she’s not taking his name. They’re also starving because they haven’t been able to eat anything, something always keeps interrupting them. Lily’s eating strawberries and having a glass of champagne with each, so she’s a little buzzed. Lily and Marshall cut the cake, and Marshall just wants to eat the cake, but Lily’s so drunk she falls over. And so they leave for Scotland.
Lily and Marshall are headed back to the hotel (in Ranjit’s limo; see Limo), but Lily's so drunk that they end up stopping at Weinerburger to get some food. And Marshall is so happy to be able to call Lily his wife.
Ted, Robin, & Barney- Robin and Ted are dancing and Ted comments that the wedding’s over so tomorrow they can start telling people. Of course, Barney overhears and won’t let it go until they tell him what. Finally, they break and tell him they have news, but they’re waiting until after the wedding to tell people because it’s big news.
It was Robin or Ted’s anniversary so they went to the restaurant where they had their first date (Blue French Horn anyone?), the waiter gives them champagne on the house and in the bottom of Robin’s glass is an engagement ring. Barney’s response? “Don’t get married.” Robin freaks out and says no, and Ted says that it’s not his. Turns out that it was supposed to go to a couple behind them. (Fun fact, I heard somewhere that the guy worked on HIMYM and that the girl was his girlfriend, and that’s how he proposed. Seriously. Her reactions completely genuine because she had no idea!) Robin tries to play it off, but Ted questions her reaction, because she was so resistant to his proposal.
Ted asks Robin where she sees herself in five years and she asks him right back. He admits that in five years he probably wants to be married. And Robin says that in five years she sees herself in Argentina or Tokyo, or Paris, she wants to be having an adventure. And they realize their relationship has an expiration date. Barney thinks they broke up, but the story’s not over.
They go to leave and the waiter realizes Ted’s the one who stole the Blue French Horn. So they go to run away and run into a waiter carrying spaghetti and get it all over themselves. They go back to Robin’s to get the Horn to take back to the restaurant and continue their conversation. Ted asks why he hasn’t heard about Argentina before this, and she says that he never wants to live there so she never brought it up. Ted says that he could go, and brings up that things in his life are perfectly in line at that moment and he could in fact do something like that. So he tells her they should move to Argentina. She laughs it off and he says that she’s afraid he’s not kidding. So she agrees. Poor Barney is horrified. But the story’s not over yet.
Robin brings up that Ted wants to have kids, and he says that they could have kids anywhere. Robin says kids were never part of her plan, but if she was going to have someone’s babies they would be Ted’s. And then it comes up that Robin is potentially pregnant because they “risked it" and Barney realizes Robin’s only drinking water. And completely freaks out.
The story’s not over yet. They realize that they’re really all talk. They were going to move in together and didn’t. But they realize that they’re better apart. So they broke up. But they’re okay.
They went to tell everybody but Lily was so stressed over the wedding (See Something Borrowed) that they decided to wait until after the wedding.
Future Ted explains that even though they broke up, they both got what they wanted. Robin would go on to live in Argentina and Morocco, Greece, Russia, and Japan. And Ted met The Mother. Barney tells Ted that as much as he joked about them breaking up, but they were really good together. Ted says Robin wasn’t “the one” but Ted says he just wants to have fun. And Barney ass if Ted could need a wingman, and Ted agrees.
The Mother- I love Horrified Barney, and Drunk Lily, and Amused Marshall. I do like this episode because for once it’s a story mainly focused on Ted that doesn’t bore me to death.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
February 3, 2011- “Wedding” Barney
“Marshall,doyoutakeLilytobeyourwifetohaveandtoholdfromthisdayforwardsolongasyoubothshalllive?”
Season 2: Episode 21: Something Borrowed
But you hate marriage. Why do you want to perform the ceremony?
Because, it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there that when I ask a question you say, “I do.”
Marshall and Lily are getting married at the Van Smoot mansion, which was not what they originally had in mind.
Eight Months to Wedding:
Outdoor, beautiful garden
Small, 25 people, just family and friends
Acoustic guitar
Six Months:
Triple digit guest list
Five Months:
Indoor wedding
Three Months:
Harp player
1 hour 38 Minutes:
The harp player is hugely pregnant (due last Tuesday), but Lily is determined to not be one of those brides, who wants her wedding perfect. Barney comes in and asks who “Bill” is because a guy came up to him and asked him when someone should object during a wedding. It turns out “Bill” is Scooter’s real name, and Lily’s mom must have invited him. Scooter shows up in Lily's dressing room, and he proclaims his love for her and that he wants to win her back.
Forty-Seven Minutes:
Barney send Marshall's friend Brad in to get rid of Scooter. Of course Brad is huge and Scooter runs away from him.
Barney discovers that anyone will do anything if it’s “for the bride.” Including getting a girl to give him her number.
Forty Minutes:
Brad comes in and tells them he tackled some guy he thought was Scooter, but it turned out to be the photographer. Lily’s not letting it bother her though.
Thirty-Three Minutes:
The flowers won’t be coming until halfway through the ceremony.
Twenty-Eight Minutes:
Her veil is found in the parking lot.
Twenty-Four Minutes:
The harpist’s water breaks, but she’s going to try to make it through the ceremony.
Twenty-One Minutes:
Robin finds she forgot Lily’s “wedding panties.” But Lily says it’s fine, she’s marrying Marshall. Then she completely freaks out. But Robin takes her outside to have a cigarette and Lily calms down.
Meanwhile, Marshall comes in from having his hair cut and it turns out the girl gave him frosted tips. (He seriously looks like a Backstreet Boy.)
Seventeen Minutes:
Marshall is freaking out, and he says that Lily’s not going to want to marry him looking like that. Rather than thinking logically and sending someone out to get some hair dye, Marshall just shaves his head. Then he completely freaks out because Ted just let him shave his head. Ted runs out and tries to find something to cover Marshall’s head.
Thirteen Minutes:
They try a toupee from Uncle Ben but it looks awful. Then Brad comes in and Marshall finds out Scooter’s there. So they decide to go for a walk outside. Once there, Lily and Marshall run into each other. They’re talking about how they far away from their original plan this wedding is, when Ted realizes that they could have the wedding they wanted. They’re outside, it’s just a small group, and Barney can officiate (he got ordained or whatever earlier in the episode). So they decide to do both weddings, because when everything goes wrong inside, they’ll have already gotten married. They borrow a hat from the gardener, and Barney starts the ceremony. Barney nearly cries through the whole thing, but it’s a sweet ceremony. They forgot their vows so they just go off the cuff, and it’s perfectly them.
The ceremony inside is pretty bad, but they have the memories from their first wedding.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Season 2, Episode 20: Showdown
It’s a dirty story, isn’t it? You guys went out to dinner, did it in the kitchen and got caught. Scherbatsky reeks of someone who likes to get caught.
Okay, now I have to wash up for two reasons.
With the wedding approaching, Lily and Marshall try to spend time apart, Ted struggles with his toast, and Barney goes on the Price is Right.
Lily and Marshall’s wedding is only weeks away and they are becoming increasingly co-dependent. Exhibit A: Marshall ate ice cream earlier and now Lily’s stomach hurts. Exhibit B: They were cooking in the kitchen together, Lily needed eggs, so Marshall walked over to the fridge with her. It’s horrifying. They don’t see anything wrong with it. They tell everyone they decided to not to spend the last two weeks before the wedding sleeping apart, because of “wedding logistics.” But they insist they could if they wanted to, so Robin invites Lily to stay with her. And so they give in.
Ted and Robin come home covered in tomato sauce, but say they’ll tell everyone later.
When Lily’s looking at their registry, they find out Barney knows the retail price of everything. He tells them he’s been training because he’s going on the Price is Right.
Lily's spending the night at Robin’s and puts on her dress, then finds out it comes right off if she raises her arms, because she’s too skinny.
Ted tries out his best man toast on Marshall, but Marshall is horrified when Ted’s going to tell an embarrassing story about Marshall getting pulled over while Lily was doing something dirty to him.
Lily finds out it will be $300 to get her dress taken in, but Robin tells her it’s a license to eat, so they go to put some weight on Lily.
Ted revises his speech, but instead it’s a story about how as Freshmen in college they were drunk and Ted had gone to get food, and when he came back with Funyuns Marshall told him, “I love you” and Lily thought he was talking to her and told him it back. Marshall is still horrified, especially because Lily’s never heard that story.
Barney is stressing out over getting on The Price is Right, because the big wheel is not something he can memorize. When they press him they find out that when he was a kid his mom told him Bob Barker was his father. SO now he’s going to LA, win the showcase showdown, and tell Bob Barker he’s his son. The group does not think this is a good idea.
Lily has to gain 5 pounds in a 10 days (lucky her) but the next day finds out she lost a pound.
Ted revises his speech again, this time telling the story of how Marshall and Lily got back together and afterward they all went to the bar where they did shots of milk and stayed up until 10 PM! Then they all credit Marshall’s parents for teaching him good values. Then Marshall holds Lily’s hand. It’s totally boring.
Flash ahead to two weeks later, when Ted is giving his toast, talking about how both he and Lily achieved their goals, and how the the perfect Lily and Marshall moment was two nights earlier when he found Marshall sneaking back in and found out that Marshall had been sneaking out all week long to a hotel where he was meeting Lily. And there, because she was less stressed out, they were eating and she was gaining weight. Ten years into their relationship, they couldn’t spend a night apart.
Future Ted starts to tell the story of the wedding, but stops to finish Barney’s story. Barney gets called up and is totally in awe of Bob, and bids perfectly on everything. And in the middle of things is showing Bob pictures of him as a kid. He keeps giving everything he won to Lily and Marshall for his wedding. When he comes to the big wheel, Bob calls him “son” (Like he does for a lot of guys) and Barney manages to spin a dollar. In the Showcase Showdown, and Barney bids exactly and wins both showcases. During Bob’s normal speech about spaying or neutering pets, Barney flakes out and doesn’t tell him. Because he doesn’t think Bob could have handled the truth, because he spent so long thinking one thing and to find out the truth would be devastating.
The Mother- Yay for Bob Barker’s cameo! I love that Barney just naturally believes anything his mother told him, and I love how awkward Barney’s stint on the show is! I also love that Marshall and Lily can’t stand to spend a night apart. It would be annoying, but it’s really sweet at the same time.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Season 2, Episode 19: Bachelor Party
All right, fine, the stripper at Stuart’s bachelor party was a 15.
She was 15?
A 15, like in blackjack.
As in, not sure whether you’d hit it?
Marshall’s bachelor party and Lily’s bridal shower both get out of hand.
Ted, Marshall, & Barney- Ted and Marshall are planning Marshall’s Bachelor Party, and Barney’s planning it with strippers. Although both Ted and Marshall say no strippers. Barney keeps insisting that Marshall really does want strippers.
And eventually the day comes and it’s Marshall (The Groom), Ted (The Best Man), Stuart (The Guy Who Speaks Only in Clichés), Brad (The Guy Who Disappears at the Beginning of the Night and Doesn’t Show Up Again Until the End), and Barney.
The guys are watching movies (supposed to be pornos but Barney picked the wrong Deep Impact) when Barney finds out that they’re not going to Atlantic City, they’re going to Foxwoods (I don’t know where that is). There Ted has arranged third-row seats to the Popinski-Salazar rematch (boxing?), their own craps table, and a private room at Connelly’s where they’ll eat a 102 ounce steak from a cow Ted picked out on the Internet. When they get there Barney has a stripper waiting in the room.
The stripper ends up hurting her ankle, and they miss the match taking her to the hospital. It turns out, when they listen in on the radio, that the match is the type to make history when it’s over within 10 minutes.
They’re at the hospital, and the stripper tells them her ankle is broken and spells out her sob story to them. They tell her they’ll let her off the hook, but she wants to do it anyway.
Ted, Marshall, and Stuart are still disgusted from the stripper, but Barney’s reliving the whole thing. Barney forgets to put out his cigar and they get kicked out of the hotel. The end up running into Brad on the drive back, and meet up with the girls at the bar. Marshall is furious with Barney and tells him he’s not sure if he wants Barney at the wedding, because Barney doesn’t even want them to get married.
Lily, against Barney’s wishes, ends up telling everyone how the summer they were broken up, Barney flew out to San Francisco to find Lily and tells her to come home because she and Marshall belong together. “The two of you have something that most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him, and if you knew what he was going through right now, you wouldn’t be here for one more second.” Then he gives her a ticket home because, “Marshall is one of the best people I know, and it won’t be long until someone else realizes that, and you’ll lose him forever. I can’t stand the thought of that happening, and I cannot keep stealing chicks from him forever.” He tells her if she ever tells anyone he was there he will deny it completely. So Ted admits that Barney’s really the best man. And Marshall declares that they’re co-best men.
Lily & Robin- It is Lily’s bridal shower and earlier Robin had picked out some nice lingerie, but when she showed it to Barney he says that he needs to get her something outrageous. So Robin gets her something a little wild (battery powered, adult-recreational, inappropriate). When she gets to the party though, everyone there is an older relative or preparing to be a nun.
Lily is opening gifts and Robin is dreading hers, but she can’t seem to do anything to keep hers from being opened. But she ends up switching the card on hers with a gift that looks just the same.
Lily gets to Robin’s gift, but thinks it’s from her grandmother, who was giving her an antique sewing machine. Before Lily opens it, her grandmother tells her how she and Lily’s great-grandmother both used this “handy little device.” And how she and her sister used to have contests with it, and how she used it the whole time her husband was in Korea. And her husband would use it once in a while too. Robin is horrified.
Lily opens it, sees what it is, and is horrified. Robin finally admits what it is, and everybody sees it, and they say it’s just like the one Miranda gave Charlotte on Sex and the City. And the night becomes a new kind of uncomfortable.
Robin offers to return her gift, but Lily keeps saying that she doesn’t need to bother, until Lily simply asks her to leave it.
The Mother- Oh Barney. I love the fact that you spend most of the show hating him because he’s being selfish, and then you find out all that he did for Marshall and Lily. It’s heart-wrenching.
Monday, January 31, 2011
January 31, 2011- “Deep Throat” Barney
Season 2, Episode 18: Moving Day
Because you’re Admiral Jerk of the British Royal Douche-ry?
Ted and Robin are moving in together, but Barney is trying to stop them.
Considering Ted is moving in with Robin, Barney offers to rent the room from Lily and Marshall so he can bring girls there.
Ted’s packing up all his stuff, and they’re almost finished loading the truck when Barney comes in with a “Are You Ready to Move In Together Quiz?” Barney’s trying to keep them from moving in together, but when they refuse to listen Barney steals the truck, leaving Ted with only a box of pot lids and a sword.
Lily and Marshall are excited to finally be living alone. They celebrate by sitting around naked, but it’s not as fun as they thought it would be.
Ted keeps calling Barney trying to get his stuff back. Ted and Robin start talking about his stuff, and they find out they disagree about having a tv in the bedroom.
Lily and Marshall decide to have sex on the couch, and they realize they can be as loud as they want, but it backfires on them.
Ted tries to put away his box of pot lids, but Robin says they don’t really need them. And then he finds out she’s not a big fan of the sword either. At this point Barney calls, pretending to not be Barney, and tells Ted to put on a suit he left outside the door and meet his at the bar. When Ted shows up Barney tells him that they’re going to have one last great “Bro” evening before “Fun” Ted gets taken out back and shot.
Barney’s using Ted to get girls’ phone numbers, while Robin is taking a bath and smoking, and completely enjoying herself.
When Lily and Marshall sit down to watch tv it’s a program they love and they call Ted in to see it, but he’s gone because they live alone. They find out that Ted did all the grocery shopping and owned all the useful things, like towels. And Lily admits she misses Ted.
Ted and Barney go play Laser Tag, and are having a great time. Ted’s still trying to get his stuff back, but Barney keeps refusing, finally pointing out to Ted that he just spent his first evening living with Robin out with him. And he didn’t call it “our place” or “my place” or “home,” he called it “Robin’s place.” He’s realized what a mistake it is. Ted tells him to keep it, but when he goes home he ends up having a little fight with Robin because she’s so picky about everything he does. And then he realizes where his truck is.
Barney is getting it on with a girl at the bar, and when they decide to leave he takes her out the loading dock where he’s set up Ted’s van like an apartment. They’re hitting it off when Ted drives the van away with them in the back.
Marshall tells Lily that they need Ted. And then Ted shows up.
Ted and Robin talked things out and decided that maybe they shouldn’t move in together, so he’s come back to ask if he can move back. And Lily and Marshall welcome him back with open arms.
Which brings us to that final scene:
Top Ten Things I Would Have Called My Truck (It was never your truck) if Ted Hadn’t Been a Jerk and Given It Back (It was a rental.):
10. The Winnebango
9. The Pick-Up Truck
8. The Ford Explore Her
7. The You-Scream Truck
6. Feels on Wheels
5. The Ride-Her Truck
4. The 18-Squeeler
3. The Escalaid
2. The Slamboni
1. The ‘69 Chevy
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Season 2, Episode 17: Arrivederci Fiero
I am so sick of this song.
Don’t worry. It comes around again.
What do you mean?
(Together) Just to be the man who walks 1,000 miles and falls down at your door!
When Marshall’s Fiero dies they group tells stories about their memories in the car.
Ted and Marshall are in Marshall’s Fiero, celebrating the fact that it’s about to hit 200,000 miles, when Marshall hit a pothole and the car dies. Everyone joins them at the mechanic and Marshall tells the story of when he got the Fiero.
Marshall (072,108 miles)- His brothers handed it down to him, but before it was truly his he had to go through the drive-through, naked, and get 12 cups of coffee. But minutes before, his brothers had come through and took all the cup trays. Then as Marshall is cautiously driving away, they jump out of the bushes and cause him to spill coffee on his lap. Which, Ted explains, was the beginning of Marshall’s no food (including groceries) in the Fiero. Ted says the rule is insane and they could have died because of it. Which brings us to Ted’s story of the 100K Fiasco (Fiero-asco):
Ted (099,788 miles)- Marshall and Ted were roommates in college, but not really friends yet (Ted was pretentious and Marshall was a slob) but Marshall was going home for the Winter Break and offered to drop Ted off at his parent’s in Ohio. While driving back to school, they really bond. Until they get lost and caught in a blizzard. Ted says that if they pull over they could be snowed in for days and he only brought a little food and water. But Marshall says he threw it out because of the no food rule. They end up fighting over it, but survive the night by huddling together. Marshall tells Ted that night that he’s known for a long time that he’s going to marry Lily. They wake up in the morning to find they were parked outside a motel the whole night.
At that point the mechanic comes and tells Marshall it’ll be $3,000 to get the car running but even then there’s no guarantee. He says that the car holds so many memories (144,336- suicidal cat; 167,018- hitchhiking Waldo) including the time a homeless guy broke the window and threw up in the backseat. Which brings us to Lily and Robin’s story about the Fiero.
Lily & Robin (184,698- miles)- They really wanted Thai food but the delivery time is 90 minutes so they drive over to get it and end up spilling food all over the car. They clean up all the food and smoke cigars to cover up the smell, but it ends up smelling like a homeless guy threw up in the car. So they break a couple windows to make it look realistic. And by sharing that secret, Lily and Robin became best friends.
Marshall can’t decide if he wants to scrap it, but Barney is adamant that he gets ride of the car, because he hates it. So we come to Barney’s experience with the Fiero.
Barney (189,441 miles)- The previous year, during a transit strike Barney needs a ride but Marshall’s not around and Ted ends up finding out that Barney can’t drive. Barney is terrified while driving about 2 miles an hour, and ends up completely panicking and freaking out.
Marshall decides that they’ve got to get rid of the car because it’s had a great life and deserves to die with dignity. Marshall goes to say good-bye and they decide to push the car that last .7 mile to help it reach 200,000. But they can’t get the car to move because the back wheels are on blocks. So they decide that’s close enough!
The Mother- This is one of my favorite episodes. You can’t beat everybody’s individual stories about the car, or them listening the that song over and over again because the tape got stuck in the stereo years previously. It’s just a good episode. And I always marvel at what a good job they do at giving everybody different hair for flashbacks (Marshall’s mullet!).